2014

"There are years that ask questions and years that answer.” 

-Zora Neale Hurston

     2014 provided me with more questions than I had the answers to, this year broke down my walls and let me question every aspect of my life from love, strength, weakness, family values, my morals and my goals in life; everything in my life was tested. There is really no possible way to sum up the past 12 months but this year I feel I have grown leaps and bounds from the person I was last years. Her and I have completely lost touch with one another and I feel as if I have been in a constant state of metamorphosis. Although as much as I hate to admit it, this year had way more tragedy attached to it then joy. With these tragedies though I truly learned who I was and who I needed to be, I learned who the people I should hold onto are and I learned how to love without judging and live without regretting. This years has made me open up so much and come out of my shell, its funny how all the right people walk into your life at exactly the right time. I've been completely immersed with love and support by the most amazing people most of which I’ve come across just this past year I’ve learned to become gentle caring and compassionate.

    Photography this year has opened me up to so many new opportunities and has connected me with so many wonderful people. I am so unbelievably blessed. This yeah I’ll be taking risks I will no longer produce images that I think people want to see but images that I want to see. A lot of the time I think we end up living and creating moments and art for other people without realizing we are. I think its time to live and create for ourselves. There is not enough time on this earth to do something you're not in love with. I have learned so much about the world life and what it means to be a good person in the past 6 months I've been out of school. You don't learn how to feel compassion, how to feel alive, or how to treat a person behind a desk. Behind a desk I learned how to take shortcuts, how to cheat, and how to settle. Being behind a desk doesn't mean a fulfilled life is on the horizon. Going out and experiencing life while you still can is what matters to me. 2015 will be a year of endless learning and travel. I want to be someone who makes everybody feel like a somebody, I want to lift people up and learn to love flaws and appreciate life and thank God I can get out of bed in the morning like my dad did.

    2 months ago I lost my father to the frigid bitch that is cancer. Although he had been sick for so long he would never let anyone know. My dad would be at the gym twice a day even on chemo days and he'd eat like he had the appetite of a 20 year old athlete, he was a freak of nature we nicknamed a robot. In September we got the news of remission, a few weeks later we learned cancer cells had moved to his spinal fluid and would begin to attack his brain, a week and a half later he was gone. In those last few weeks I feel I lived a couple lifetimes. My faith was questioned but it made me feel stronger for the God I believe in. My dad from the moment he was diagnosed to the moment he took his last breathe never once asked the question “Why me?” or “What did I do to deserve this?”. He taught me how to live and breathe in every moment like its the greatest blessing you had, he taught me how to take every moment and turn it into something beautiful any chance you had to walk out of bed is a chance to do something amazing. My dad taught me even with the bad you have to focus on the good, because there is way more of it. He taught me about death, his last lesson was a lesson of dying with dignity, I never heard a single complaint from him, not a single question. I've never seen a person show so much love and thanks the way he did until his last breathe, the most peaceful breathe I've ever seen or heard. So many questions we faced we didn't always have the right answers for but my family had each other more than anything.

    I have never taken and stake in a new year changing your life, never have I had a “new year, new me” moment, but maybe that is what I need, maybe I need a challenge for myself to be a better person. I'm challenging myself to be a better person, no more settling. Get up and get going. So here's my last question for 2014, what are you waiting for?